July 21st, 2004

Live again

I'm gonna cross post this like some whore with a non-alcoholic beverage. I almost started this off with "when I was little girl" but that'd be wrong because I didn't start off as a little girl...at least not physically anyway.

When I was little I rememeber not playing with other children all too often, but when I did I loved pretend games! They were the most fun and enjoyable because then I could do something I was REALLY good at! I didn't do well at sports because they bored me to tears. Where was the need to expand your mind? Where was the wonder and mystery? kick, slap, juggle, pass, punch, scream, bleed, sweat. Yuck. Why go through all that in real life when you could go through a simulation and still have just as much fun?

Besides being a child supressing gender dysphoria you don't typically want to play things that could expose you as a fraud to the "opposite gender".

Now I write this for a specific reason. As children most of us got to play pretend and as children with gender issues many of us probably felt some of it was unfair. I remember in Kindergarden playing house with other children and wanting to play a certain role...do you all remember that? Playing house with the other kids...always a simulation of the perfect household with a mother, a father, a sister, and a brother (mayhaps an aunt and uncle if you had too many kids...).

What role did I always want to play? I wanted to be the daughter. While I know many MtFs wanted to be the mother figure...or father figure for the FtMs.

But seldom did I get to play the roles I wanted. Sometimes I did...like for a while I was able to BE sleeping beauty when my cousin and I played together. Until she got tired of being the prince and we had to switch =/ . Other times I played a Nun or Rainbow Bright or some other female person. When we played dolls I didn't want to play with Ken or his black friend (who CARES what his name is anymoe! They changed it like 80 million frickin times! and get me started on his asian counter part...), althought I DID want to be able to manipulate him THROUGH the females I played.

All in all when I played games I ended up playing the female friend of the heroine, the main lady characters. I was often her confidante,and I think that's so STRANGE that that is the role I was forced to accept...just mussing.

Once again I write this so all you can share your experiences in the comment box with the phenomena...Just a fun look at what we went through growing up, FtM and MtF.
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