May 21st, 2003

Just as little Info

Hey Everyone names Lilith! Lilith Baalker!

That's my female name anyway. I'm a 19 year old person with gender dysphoria. I came out to MYSELF around the age of...well I KNEW when I was young. Feeling REALLY different from all the other children. I'm not sure if anyone else felt that way but I RESENTED feeling different, seeing other kids comfortable in their bodies and me feeling so...unhappy.

I started taking hormones and had to get off of them. I got a job, started going to a psych and she agreed that I have gender dysphoria. I started the hormones a little afterward and felt happy. Then I came out to my family (I uh...heh, still live with them) and they didn't take it very well.

My grandmother accused me of having demons burrrow into my CHEST! My mother said I did this just to embarass her and because I hate her so much.

Okay truth me KNOWN I can't STAND my mother. We're oil and water on EVERY subject. That doesn't mean I don't LOVE her. I just HATE her =/

That make sense?

Anyway, my grandmother is coming to terms with this (My family is me, my little brother who is STILL in the dark, my mom, and my grandmother) tomorrow I go to my FIRST support meeting! So exciting. It's like electricity.

I'm an artist (I drew 2 of icons you'll see at times), writer, and general Renassiance girl, ya know? My friends are supportive, but I know sometimes they don't know what to do with me. I haven't started living full time yet, but I have dressed up on occasion, actually been outside with ONCE.

My goodness the LIBERATION! I felt as if this FAKENESS I wear just melted away and I was me! I walked with confidence like a stonewall.

I was strong, I was invincible. I was SO frickin' woman!

Forgive me wierdness right now I woke up like and hour ago and it's 8:30 in the morning, I could be writing the theme to Les Miserables and not even know it.

Well I just wanted to do a little intro type of thing, sorry for cross posting!

By the way I love J-rock as well as anime and that goodness. DDR is greatness to me. Yes it is! ^.^

Off I go! Bye bye!
  • Current Music
    Dir En Grey -Ain't Afraid to Die
jerk off

finally, binder fabric!

Okay, guys.

I have verified a source for binder fabric.

This is the 23% lycra powermesh used in the Underworks double compression shirt.

I'll be placing an order soon, and will be happy to ship fabric out to folks so they can make/ modify their own binders. It's $9.00 US per yard, and that includes shipping. (If you need it shipped internationally, it may be a little bit more.) The width on this fabric is 45". My guess would be that a yard or a yard and a half would make a binder, depending on whether you want a full ength one and your size.

Also, if you're domestically challenged and you want me to make a binder for you, I can do that. Not sure yet what that'll cost. I guess, let me know your measurements (your chest across the nipples [all the way around] and just below the ol' man-tits), and whether you want a full length or a half binder, and I'll let you know. Suffice it to say, it should be significantly less than the $30 Underworks and T-Male charge, and it'll be made to fit you. I think also that I'll cut these to the shape of a wifebeater/ A-frame so you can wear it under one of those without it showing. Also, unlike the T-Male one, I'll put in a double thick front. Or triple, if you want. Whatever.

Anyway, comment here and email me at to let me know how much fabric you want, or if you want a binder. I'll reply with my paypal info, and any questions I have.


K, as you know I stopped taking hormones like a week ago because my mom was all like:

"You won't be doing that crap in MY house!!!!!"

So I stopped and just SUNDAY I felt my nipples being all sore (sore is an understatement, If I was teething with type of pain I could ripe a tank in two)
So apparently my body is making it's own estrogen! I was only on hormones for like 2 and half weeks!

Why on EARTH am I still making estrogen? What does it MEAN?!
  • Current Music
    Moulin Rouge Soundtrack - Compliante De La Butte-Rufus Wainwright